Monday, September 6, 2010

At this point, I hope that all of you are aware of the dangers of Fruit; but what, you may ask, about Fruit flavored candy?  It's not actually Fruit, so does it carry the same inherent risks?  Or could it possibly be used as a safe Fruit substitute for those going through withdrawal?

I must admit that until recently I was in the dark about this as you probably are.  But this week I performed a little experiment for the benefit of my faithful readers.  I obviously survived the process, though with some terrifying and unexpected results.  Do not try this at home.

I made sure that I had no commitments for the rest of my day, and asked one of my good friends to act as a sitter.  I handed him a sharpened table leg with instructions to drive it through my heart if things got out of hand.  With everything in place I hesitantly withdrew a pack of 'Lifesavers' that I had purchased earlier in the day from an unscrupulous vending machine.  I took a deep breath and popped an orange one into my mouth - I think it was supposed to be Cantaloupe.

I waited maybe twenty minutes with no apparent effect other than dry mouth an upset stomach - though that may have been nerves.  Just when I was ready to deem the candy 'safe' I began to feel it.  It was subtle at first, everything in my vision had taken on a slight citrus hue and when my roommate asked me if I was ok, his voice sounded distant, as if he was speaking to me from the other end of an Apple orchard.

I began seeing hallucinations, dancing Papaya taunted me with hellfire pitchforks - and even the ground beneath my feet opened up into an endless chasm into which I was falling for what seemed both like eternity yet at the same time merely a fleeting moment.  I started to make out Prune like faces - images in the darkness.  Events of my past played out before me, but twisted - and other things, perhaps a possible future?  An overpowering voice began to overtake my every sense, and I wondered how I hadn't heard it before now; while at the same time knowing that I had heard that voice my entire life.  It said to me, with the roar of rotting PasionFruit - "I LIEK CHOCOLATE MILK"

I came to soon after that.  My friend said I had only been out for a few minutes, though it had seemed endless at the time.  I still don't know what it means, but I still hear that voice every time it's silent.  When I shut my eyes.  In the moments in between moments.