No new news today about Fruit, so I'm just going to tell you about a time my good friend Ted Mason, over at Teds Reviews tried Fruit. Now he probably doesn't want me to relate this story to you all, as it's rather embarrassing, but I'm sure that in the end he'll see the value in his story being shared so that others might learn from his mistakes.
It was a friday evening, and as usual me and Ted were naked in the basement rocking out to some Insane Clown Posse when Ted unceremoniously ejected the cassette and turned the lights on. It took me a while to adjust to the light and the silence so I began hollering and stumbling blindly around the room. Several minutes later, sweaty and exhausted, we both lay on the bed.
"Dude," I uttered in between ragged breaths "what was that about? We were only halfway through Juggalo Homies feat. Twiztid, we have to get this choreography down or how are we ever going to show our parents?!"
"I dunno man," He replied "I'm just not feeling this ICP stuff anymore." I stared in shock, my mouth agape. Several more minutes passed. "Yeah," he continued "I've actually been listening to a lot of the Tragically Hips lately, really good, really trippy."
I knew something was wrong, Ted didn't like the Tragically Hips, in fact, we'd often joked about how terrible they were, referring to them as the Tragically UNhips. We'd shared many a laugh over that joke before, but now I was so distressed, the memory didn't even bring me a phantom of a smile. I slapped him in the face with both my hands.
"No!" I shouted "This is wrong! This is some cruel joke you're playing on me! You love ICP! The Tragically Hips suck!!" I started bawling.
"I used to think that," He elaborated "but that was until I tried these." He withdrew a handful of Orange segments from his pocket, intermingled with the waste of the receptacle they had one time been contained within. I stopped crying. The shock was too much - I threw up.
"You have to stop this while you still can Ted!" I pleaded "Don't go down this road, you have your whole life ahead of you." Now Ted was crying.
"Ok. I will!" He declared "I don't know what came over me. Let's flush this garbage down the toilet and finish up that dance."
"Sounds good to me pal!"
And we haven't stopped dancing since...