At this point, I hope that all of you are aware of the dangers of Fruit; but what, you may ask, about Fruit flavored candy? It's not actually Fruit, so does it carry the same inherent risks? Or could it possibly be used as a safe Fruit substitute for those going through withdrawal?
I must admit that until recently I was in the dark about this as you probably are. But this week I performed a little experiment for the benefit of my faithful readers. I obviously survived the process, though with some terrifying and unexpected results. Do not try this at home.
I made sure that I had no commitments for the rest of my day, and asked one of my good friends to act as a sitter. I handed him a sharpened table leg with instructions to drive it through my heart if things got out of hand. With everything in place I hesitantly withdrew a pack of 'Lifesavers' that I had purchased earlier in the day from an unscrupulous vending machine. I took a deep breath and popped an orange one into my mouth - I think it was supposed to be Cantaloupe.
I waited maybe twenty minutes with no apparent effect other than dry mouth an upset stomach - though that may have been nerves. Just when I was ready to deem the candy 'safe' I began to feel it. It was subtle at first, everything in my vision had taken on a slight citrus hue and when my roommate asked me if I was ok, his voice sounded distant, as if he was speaking to me from the other end of an Apple orchard.
I began seeing hallucinations, dancing Papaya taunted me with hellfire pitchforks - and even the ground beneath my feet opened up into an endless chasm into which I was falling for what seemed both like eternity yet at the same time merely a fleeting moment. I started to make out Prune like faces - images in the darkness. Events of my past played out before me, but twisted - and other things, perhaps a possible future? An overpowering voice began to overtake my every sense, and I wondered how I hadn't heard it before now; while at the same time knowing that I had heard that voice my entire life. It said to me, with the roar of rotting PasionFruit - "I LIEK CHOCOLATE MILK"
I came to soon after that. My friend said I had only been out for a few minutes, though it had seemed endless at the time. I still don't know what it means, but I still hear that voice every time it's silent. When I shut my eyes. In the moments in between moments.